Sometimes nothing comes from nothing. Where the sum of what we do is nothing. Nothing is just a concept. This whole novel is just a concept. I feel that everything that we do is just a concept. I always get a feeling that there is something hidden from me. A secret that everybody else knows and won't tell me.

I think this is called paranoia. These are normal feelings and the feelings that make us feel special. I kind of know I am not special. That is why there is more interest for me in writing this.

Is anything I do special?

Does this make any difference to what I write. This is hard fought and hard won. I find most things easy. Most things are far too easy. What is difficult is moving away from what is easy. That sounds really stupid but I am trying to work through what I want to say.